2018 New Year’s Obit

…died of dilly-dally disease while contemplating her many unfinished projects and goals of the past year. She was survived by her career absence, English degree regret, #WritersShare2017, and other incomplete thoughts or plans.

She was also survived by her spouse and her apathetic roommate. Her apathetic roommate, Susu, was invited in upon hopes of an additional income, and due to her feline species, ultimately ended up costing the household at least an additional $40 a month.

While the deceased’s unfinished projects could technically be designated unfinished business, they did not require her to “Casper-it-up”. In her last will and testament, she bequeathed all of her belongings to the collaborative puzzle table at Grounds for Thought, at which she had never worked up the courage to sit and of which she was unceasingly envious.

Also among her requests, copies of her fake stand-up routine were to be dispersed among all of the guests at the visitation; fake because it was not one of her actual goals for 2017 and stand-up because everyone needs a little comedy at a funeral.

The funeral was sans casket due to her final appeal: that she be cremated with a written and notarized statement that she did indeed die of natural causes. Her appeal stemmed from her minor obsession with the podcast “Undisclosed”. Believing that her death could be misconstrued by the error-prone legal system, she had no desire for any of her friends or family to be mistaken for murderers.

Now on to 2018.